i got a tattoo instead of going to therapy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3am-UtZPlzM&t=216s

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Before we start the video, just a disclaimer.The audio for the intro is gonna sound a little bit ass.I was running late and then I, had to do the intro in the car, and it’s really awkward for me, to do in the car because I feel, awkward for the driver.Yeah.Hi chat.This is no longer human here.Today we are going to tattoo studio to get our back tatted.Not the whole entire back, just upper back.And this was like a very impulsive decision.I I saw her story and I was like, “Yo,when she’s down to tat, I’m down to get tatted.Let’s go.” Also, I was running late, so I didn’t style my hair, so my bangs are kind of floppy a little.

bangs [pl.] (NAmE) (BrE fringe) the front part of sb’s hair that is cut so that it hangs over their forehead 额前短发；刘海儿

Help me.>> Odd.But yeah, >> my Tik Toks about me doing makeup and running late is real.It’s not fake.It’s It’s a really bad habit.I’m on the wait list for ADHD diagnosis at the hospital near where I live.Um that’s where I also like get like my psychiatrist and my meds.I’m not in therapy cuz, um I don’t think right now I don’t think I’m ready for it.I think when I.

feel more at peace and like I really want to like put in the work,then I think that would be most helpful, cuz I don’t think therapy works if you’re not open to it and you’re like, kind of like iffy about it.You know what I mean?You really have to be like all in.But um yeah, been on the wait list for already like 6 months.They told me it was like 6 months.I don’t know.I don’t know if I’ll ever get that diagnosis.Maybe I have to pay out of pocket.That’s some other clinic.But yeah,it’s funny that people think I live in Asia when this is this is what I see.Yes, this is America.This is America.A little bit scared, but not really.I’m only scared cuz I have like a [ __ ] ton of bag acne.So, cuz like I fidget a lot and like I just scratch that off in my sleep.I used to like pull my hair out in my sleep like this part.Dark dust.Dark past.Anyways, let’s get it chat.We are in Bushwick, I think.All right.Um, back.I’m confused.Am I at the wrong place?

Just to preface, this is the mood board that my artist sent me.So before anyone asks me, I did not ask for anything specific.My tattoo artist had the entire creative freedom for this tattoo.>> Wait, what should I do?Should I?>> It’s okay.You could just >> Okay.Okay.Candid enough.>> Yeah, this is candid.This is the design that we’re going.>> Oh my god.Let’s go.We got some eyes inspired byation.>> Some Chinese stuff type [ __ ] Yeah.More like upper back.You’re cool with me going on your neck.>> Yeah, I’m cool with that.>> Okay.Cuz I was thinking like some sigil stuff up the neck,>> but something like this.That’s [ __ ] sick.>> Yeah, I’m excited.>> I have the tape.I I wore like a bikini under this so that I have to tape the front, and then just want to work on my back and then like I have so much back acne.It’s lowkey embarrassing, but like I’m trying to like not be awkward.It was a little awkward, but also my piercing that I got on stream.It’s crooked,but.

we won’t I’m not going to be able to like vlog while she’s tattooing cuz, um I don’t want to distract her,you know, like during breaks and stuff.We’ll do that.But like during it, uh,not likely.All right, let’s go.Legit backs.We got the setup going.Um, they’re just going to print out the pencil and my friend’s like,“Is it painful?” I’m like, “I have not even started.” I mean,do you like it?You want to say hi?>> Hi YouTube.>> Hello.>> Do I like doing it?Yes, I do.I feel like it’s the only thing I’ve been like consistent.Like I don’t like doing short form content.I like long form.>> Yeah.>> Like it feels more personal.>> It’s like a diary.>> Yeah, it is.>> Like Yeah.You can film the stencil, I guess.I’m going to grab those stencils.Oh, wait.This is so cool.Wow.>> I’ll show you the reference.>> Yes.>> It’s kind of a scary picture.>> That’s cute, though.>> It’s cute.Should we translate it?>> Maybe.>> But it says something crazy.I mean, the whale tattoo it is not going to be like literate.

It’s more so going to be like sort of brush work textury.>> But yeah, maybe.We’ll try this real quick.In case it says something very vulgar, I won’t do it.But I feel like this might just be poetic or, >> I think it might just be like gibberish like cuz this is like this is sand.This is I think you just like read down words.>> Yeah,maybe some poetry [ __ ] >> I feel like it’s got to be translate as malfunction.>> Yeah.>> Okay.So this was the original picture that she was referencing.For Chinese scriptures like this, you read it vertically.For the translation,it’s basically referencing Buddhism and my family is Buddhist.So my mom can’t get mad at me for getting this tattoo right.They like yified our like >> Oh my god.>> Oh, wait.Is it like the Chinese filters?>> Yeah, it’s like the like filter.>> Yeah.frog looks like.It’s kind of hard to see it completely, but it’s really crackers.We just finished the dragon to Yeah.Thank you.I think the first hour or two, was like the most painful cuz.

it was like directly on my spine, bath and that was like chill.We taking a break.I need to use the bathroom.That’s the back so far.Whoa, she did a lot.It’s starting to hurt, though.It’s starting to hurt.Wa!Wait, that’s Oh,that’s so epic.Now we go back.It’s going to be painful.Painful few hours.I don’t know how much we have left, but we still have a lot.>> Let’s go.>> Many unbearable hours later.My artist is just wiping some of the ink off, I’m pretty sure.And then we’re going to do like a round of like numbing spray.We weren’t sure how it’s going to work, but we we were going to try.But the numbing spray only works on the areas that you already tatted.So, yeah.Hello.>> Hey y’all.Another another bathroom break.Um, it’s almost 12:00 and my skin is clearly and shiny.It’s It’s like No, I think it is 12.It’s like 11:45.Um, taking a little walk.I just want to see like what is up here.There’s like a huge window city.It’s nice like Bushwick a little bit between Bushwick and like Bridgewood.

for real back home vibes.So, I’ve been thugging it out.Um, I have like a wrap around my back cuz it’s a numbing thing.So, I need to use the bathroom.Oh my god, my tattoo artist is so cool.We’ve been thugging it out.She’s so [ __ ] talented.Thank you so much, Hy,if you’re watching this.Okay, so for reference,we started at like 300 p.m.Well, I got here at like 3:20ish p.m.,but um yeah,like we put on the stencils and started getting to work at like around 4ish.And then it’s been like I don’t know um 6 7 hours and we still have more to go.But yes, this is this is a little time lapse of just her working on my back.Yeah, I didn’t have a lot of footage regarding that,but um yeah,I just wanted her to like feel comfortable to, like cat without feeling anxious being on camera.So, yeah.Okay.I just know that people are going to ask me, “Oh my god,how did you sit through that all in one session?” I have very,very high pain tolerance.Like, for reference,I literally pierced my own facial piercings.

I think like the first hour it hurt more, but then after that,I was just chilling.I was like watching my Chinese, drama half the time and then, trying to fall asleep and just, like taking short breaks.I’d say like a quarter of the, time I was talking to Haley aka, my T artist just about life and, a little bit of everything.But what helped was like putting on headphones and listening to music.So then like I have like more things going on like sensory wise.So then like I’m not only focusing, on like one sensory aka like, the tatting on my back.But yeah, like shading doesn’t really hurt,but um line like line work.Yeah, that hurts way more.So I think the scripture part kind of hurt the most,but everything else will show.>> We’re done.>> We’re done.It’s 2:42 a.m.Holy.>> We made it out.>> Oh my god, this looks so sick.This is what it looks like.I don’t even know how I feel right now.Okay, I’m going to have you go.>> Yeah, >> we’re taking photos for her Insta.Insta photo shoot mode.>> Sorry.

Where should I go?Glare.>> A glare.just flick me up so good on the tush.Let’s car.>> This is one of the pictures that Haley took.It’s slick.It’s on my Instagram.You should follow it.T it up.Why do I look like I have muscles?I don’t really actually have muscles.>> Time to go home.It is It is 3:35 a.m.Looking like the [ __ ] bathrooms.Am I scared?Slightly scared.Um, okay.I’m making myself scared.Don’t be scared.Huh?Don’t be scared.Nothing’s going to chase me.Okay.I’m scared.Okay.Um, you know what?I just I’m not going to say anything.The [ __ ] like found footage.Okay, car is downstairs.I hope I don’t get kidnapped.Hello.Yes.>> Why is this GPS on 3x speed, bro?Hey, >> chat.I made it home.I’m going to go to sleep now.It is 4:00 a.m.and my room has become a mess again.But you know what?Yeah, I I’m too lazy to take off my makeup.So, we’re going to sleep.We’re going to sleep.

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